Sdope Viral of the Week

Picard’s having a Hell of a time bagging this white whale:

Check it out in full technicolor courtesy of those plucky, young geeks at ytmnd.

Sdope to Bono: Take Off Those Fucking Sunglasses Already

Alright Paul “Bono” Hewson, we get it. You’re a big rock star. Your future is so bright, and the new magical AIDS-fighting AMEX card is such a bright shade of red that you have to wear shades.

But c’mon man, let’s get serious for a moment. Your band is getting sick of you playing hypocritical saviour of the huddled masses instead of being an entertainer. It’ll be the reason why U2 breaks up within the next 5 years. You’re also closer to 50 than you are 40, and those shades are going to look even more rediculous when you have to add bi-focal lenses to them.

Just take the damn $1000 shades off once in a while. Hell, why not sell them on ebay and feed a hoarde of children in one of those Sally Struthers countries for a decade?

It’s time to face the awful truth that lending your celebrity to your causes is only achieving two things: Jack and Shit… and Jack is too busy listening to his magical AIDS-fighting ipod to pay any attention.

Pray for Oprah

We’ve all heard about James Frey’s ‘A Million Little Pieces’, the book that immortal cunt-demon Oprah Winfrey put on her money printing machine, the Oprah Book Club 3000.

After the revealation that Frey’s work was much more fiction than advertised fact, Oprah defended the book, stating on Larry King Live that “the underlying message of redemption in James Frey’s memoir still resonates with me, and I know it resonates with millions of other people who have read this book.”

What Oprah didn’t expect was that her cult of desperate soccer moms would actually disagree with their Leader and Saviour.

Oprah, fearing a revolt from her Legion who mysteriously showed a sign of independant thought, quickly did an about-face and claimed she was duped.

She had Frey on her show and tore him a new one, saving face in front of her Lemmings as seen below:

There’s been some rumours on the internets that Frey actually shopped this book around as a work of fiction and was repeatedly rejected for about a year. Regardless, all anyone had to do after the news came out was take the books out of Non-Fiction and into the Fiction section. Problem solved.

Here’s the kicker though: EVERYONE involved in this “scandal” is making a killing. Oprah, Random House and Frey are going to see a nice little bump in their paycheques now that every man, woman and child is buying into this horse-and-pony show.

This overinflated hullaballo is just another in a long list of disgusting reasons why I hate the stupid little monkeys that think they’re people.

Devo: Through Being Cool

I’m forced to put up with a LOT of bullshit from corporate entities, but this is too much.

From wikipedia:

“Devo 2.0 (also known as Dev2.0) is a quintet of child actors created by Walt Disney Records who sing, dance, and pretend to play instruments along to re-recordings of Devo songs, performed by Devo’s five original members. The lyrics to the songs they perform are also heavily edited, to make them more “family friendly” and remove all of the innuendo typical of Devo songs. (In “Through Being Cool”, for instance, the line “eliminate the ninnies and the twits” is changed to “eliminate the time you waste in cliques”, and the innuendo-filled “Girl U Want” is completely re-written and sanitized as “Boy U Want”. The song “Beautiful World” remains mostly unchanged until the end, where the line “it’s a beautiful world … for you, but not for me” becomes “for you, and for me too”.)

Disney’s press release:

Disney Sound, which is releasing DEVO 2.0, is Walt Disney Records’ new imprint designed to create original musical works for the whole family. Disney Sound is planning a series of “remaking the band” projects, uniting original band members of iconic groups with talented kids for newly recorded CD and DVD releases.”

God damn you Devo. How could you go from mocking industrial culture and pop consumerism to being a part of THIS bullshit? What the fuck’s the matter with you?